HE'S ALIVE!
At least, that's the official word on the street about Mitch McConnell, who spent the last 6 weeks in the hospital after he "took a fall."
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Now Mitch can have all of the 20 minute conversations he wants!
He looks so lifelike in the newest photo, so you know it has to be real.
Just look at that award-winning, totally unedited smile!
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HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND...
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Here's a statement from McConnell which he totally wrote himself:
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He's too sick to do his job in the Senate, too sick to do public appearances, but totally well enough to continue to stay in office!
Journalist Desirée Townsend has spent every single day at the hospital trying to get answers, or even a peek at the senator, but McConnell remains elusive as the rarest of endangered tortoises.
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Schrödinger's senator ... the perfect RINO.
I'll leave you with my favorite conspiracy theory:
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