Unfortunately, Parks and Rec was canceled by NBC before the writers came up with this storyline.
But in real life, it's still comedy gold.
Not the Babylon Bee, but it should be.
Here's Bring Me The News:
The Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board has decided to eliminate the primary use of a popular off-leash dog park due to its location on land that's sacred to Indigenous people, sparking passionate pleas from pet owners who frequent it.
On Wednesday night, Park Board commissioners voted 8-1 to decommission the Minnehaha Off-Leash Dog Park, which is located on more than 6 acres near the Mississippi River.
Again, this could be a comedy skit.
You sure would hate to desecrate an ancient Indian "sacred space" - whatever that means - with the presence of an off leash dog park.
So now it's going to be a regular park.
You can still bring your pooches.
But you have to keep them leashed!
The meeting was packed with dog lovers and users of the park, with a group of Minneapolis residents claiming that the closure of the park would effectively ban dogs from swimming within the city, since seasonal algae blooms often limit the animals from safely playing in lakes ...
But several members of Native communities also spoke out, arguing that the land must be protected and preserved.
‘We need our sacred sites respected,' said Gary Spears, a First Nations United member.'
Okay, John Redcorn.
‘Every day is an extension of ongoing legacy trauma,' Commissioner Dan Englehart said before voting yes. ‘This choice was as clear to me as the choice was to put my dog down on Monday. We had to end her suffering, her body gave out and we need to end the suffering of our Native relatives.'
The "ongoing legacy of trauma" these poor natives are experiencing outweighs the needs of the dog moms.
Minneapolis really might be the biggest joke of a big city in America.
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