A large stone appeared in the middle of Harrods in London last week, causing quite a stir. Projecting from top of the stone was a large sword named "Excalibur" bearing an inscription saying that only the true King of England would be able to pull the sword from the stone. King Charles was alerted to the situation, but just laughed as wars are no longer fought with swords, and besides, his position as king is largely ceremonial with very little power. Prime Minister Keir Starmer rushed to the famous London store to prove he was the true leader of England but was sadly unable to budge the very stuck sword. A boy named Arthur then emerged from a crowd of teenagers hoping to get the sword so he could protect himself from recent invaders. He jumped up on the stone and pulled the sword out, raising it high above his head in triumph. At that very moment Merlin the magician appeared revealing to the watching crowd and press that Arthur was in fact the king of legends past who had traveled through time to save Jolly Old England from certain doom. At press time, King Arthur had been arrested for possession of a knife preventing him from saving England.
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @captainadam.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
The Republicans Are Once Again Trying To Disenfranchise Millions Of Dead Voters @ohdear
Daughter-in-law ‘Accidentally' Responds STOP To Mother-in-law Text @ruthiej714
Bass Promises Next Fire Season Will Be Bigger Than Ever @kirgol
Transgender Woman Aggrieved After Stealing Own Fries @carolyn1
Karen Bass Threatens To Burn The Rest Of The City Down If Not Reelected @thebigfreeze
Christian Man Asks The Lord If He Can Store Up A Few Treasures In His Garage @gfanson
Time Traveler Returning From 2064 Reports President Barron Trump On Brink Of Peace Deal With Iran @leecory
Local Man Paints Rainbow Over Doorpost In Hopes LGBTQIAWXYZ Just Go Away & Leave Him Alone @coachjoeconway
Golden Calf Set To Make Special Appearance At Jerusalem Pride Parade @batknight
How Thoughtful: Church Hangs Up Flag Warning Christians To Stay Away @drconservativeprof
Man Arrested For Calling Pride Month Gay @dontslowtheearth
Duped! Musicians Agreeing To Perform At Nation's 250th Birthday Event Had No Idea Show Would Be About America @twodegreesoff
Federal Judge Orders The Washington Monument To Stop Reflecting In The Reflecting Pool @lpathehuman
Pineapple In Kool Aid Suffers A Worse Fate Than Ending Up On Pizza @alola_rychu
Young Man Declared Most Eligible Bachelor After Saving Girls From Spiders And Carrying The Most Chairs At Church @reckless4life
Democrats Burn Down Disneyland After Mistaking Donald Duck For Donald Trump @ironsakura
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Healed Man Who Went Walking And Leaping Returns To Peter And John With Torn ACL @brothertim
King Arthur Arrested For Possession Of A Knife After Removing Excalibur From The Stone @captainadam
Boss Gives AI-Generated Critique Of AI Assistant's Work @tylermontgomery
Congress Votes For Nuclear Attack To Avoid High Gas Prices @boomerokay
Democrats Propose Euthanasia As America's 250th Birthday Present @vinny
Genius Man Brings Doctor 10 Years Of Health Issues Using Only One Copay @undersaint
Transgender Woman Keeps Giving Herself Chores To Do The Moment She Sits Down On The Couch @davidjohnson
Hitler Receives Outpouring Of Support After Sharing Holocaust Journey On Instagram @pure_teej
Psych Ward Preps For Busy VBS Volunteer Season @lpathehuman
California's Vote Counting Delays Attributed To Broken Abacus @stooben
Bonus - one randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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