As some voters flirt with communism in a last ditch attempt to make life in America more like Cuba, others are seeking a return to Monarchy hoping things will stay pretty much the same but without incessant and unrelenting political text messages. While cell phones come in handy, too many political text messages is now seen as grounds for divorce from the Constitution. Many voters still like America but feel that after 250 years, a return to the British Commonwealth and embrace of all the pomp and glory of the royal family would be a welcome exchange for an end to political texts. Unfortunately, as these voters have been educated in America's public schools and have never heard of Parliament, this plan is a load of tosh.
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @yantelope.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Frustrated Homeowner Takes Sample Of His Dog's Doo For Exact Color Match At Carpet Store @ruthiej714
Kindergarten Graduate Coasts Through Life After Learning All He Really Needs To Know @kirgol
Pressing 2 For Spanish Now Alerts ICE @dontslowtheearth
CBS Says They Will Spare Colbert If They Can Find Three People That Laughed At His Jokes @drconservativeprof
Gunman Who Opened Fire Just Average Democrat With Mental Health Issues @thebigfreeze
Report: Man Who Pulled Car With His Johnson Is No Longer Doing It @gfanson
Jesus Tells Parable Of Rich Fool Who Tore Down His Data Centers To Build Bigger Ones @batknight
Poll: 62% Of Americans ‘Optimistic' That CBS Will Replace Colbert Late Night Show With Something Funny @babylonandonanon
Iran Agrees To Terms After Trump Threatened To Primary The Ayatollah @lpathehuman
Christopher Nolan's Casting Call For Harpies Held At NYC Courthouse @carolyn1
Blessed Are Those Who Love Pineapple On Pizza, For They Shall Be Satisfied @littlejedi
Local Couple Go Shopping For New Chair To Store Unfolded Laundry On @slinky
Next Step In Human Evolution? Doctors Deliver Baby Already Wearing AirPods @pure_teej
Marco Rubio Suits Up To Liberate Cuba Single-Handedly @slateslabrock
Congress Passes Housing Affordability Bill, Houses Now Affordable @neohillbilly
Sorry Excuse For A Thought Leader Only Made 5 LinkedIn Posts About AI Today @alola_rychu
Donald Trump Says He'll Definitely Make Don Jr's Next Wedding @optimus_bardlederp
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Democrats Offer Compromise Where Republicans Only Count As 3/5ths Of A Person @outworlder
Helpful Wife Puts Swear Jar Within Easy Reach During Home Repair @aussiemama
Local Dog Deemed A Complete And Utter Disappointment After Family Watches Air Bud @thecatherder
Mamdani Vows To Keep Strait Of Hormuz Closed If Female Republican Wins Congressional Seat In 12th District @michaelbmurphy
Peloton Unveils In-Home E-Bike For Cyclists Tired Of Pedaling @brothertim
AOC Warns Democrats Not To Release Any Of Her Autopsies Without Her Approval @muskymarlin
Report: Youth Pastor's Goatee Entering 3rd Decade Of Ministry @pure_teej
Voters Willing To Go Back To Monarchy If Only The Political Texts Will Stop @yantelope
Record 274 Climbers Reach Everest Summit In Single Day After Mountain Adds FastPass Lane @klamer1446
Bonus - one randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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