A real story out of Massachusetts:
Yes, according to police, 34-year-old Alexander Marano was enjoying a refreshing Sunday morning au naturel on the Ludlow Mills Riverwalk when he allegedly spotted a man walking his 8-year-old pit bull.
I'm not joking about this next part: Marano reportedly charged the pair, threatened the owner with a nonexistent shotgun, and proceeded to choke the dog.
He put the pit bull in a choke hold!
🤣🤣🤣
When officers arrived and located the fully naked suspect, Marano helpfully surrendered with his hands up. No weapon was found, but they did recover his clothes, watch, and wallet nearby. Even in a suspected drug-fueled or mental health episode, a man needs his wallet!
Here's where it gets good.
When police asked why Marano was naked, he responded: 'Aren't we all naked at some point?' according to the report.
Yes, we are, Mr. Marano. Yes, we are.
Thankfully, neither the man nor his dog suffered serious injuries. Marano, who reportedly owns a home improvement business, was charged with disorderly conduct, threatening to use a deadly weapon, open and gross lewdness, animal cruelty, and indecent exposure.
This might surprise you, but Marano has had prior run-ins with the law, including a recent DUI where he insisted he was a "child of God" while driving on three tires.
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