The demise of Spirit Airlines sent shock waves through the airline industry last week as United, Delta, and American Airlines were forced to accept the unthinkable, that Spirit customers may now choose to fly on the major carriers. Boardrooms have been in panic mode, with many predicting the end of air travel as we know it should Spirit passengers be inflicted upon the remaining airlines. The industry has faced threats in the past from crashes, parts falling off planes, and female pilots landing upside down, but none have been as serious or as potentially damaging as having to deal with the hoard of feral humans who have been the bread and butter of Spirit Airlines. In a last ditch attempt to prevent nationwide panic, President Trump has added everyone who has ever flown Spirit Airlines to the No Fly List.
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @eversong.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Tim Walz Brags Without Him There Wouldn't Have Been Any Fraud For FBI To Catch @dontslowtheearth
Introvert Clarifies That ‘You Are Not Alone' Is A Threat @littlejedi
Iran Complains Hormuz Blockade Is Making It Hard To Afford Nukes @kirgol
Democrats Unveil A New Flag Saying: Tread On Me @ironsakura
Spirit Airplanes To Be Converted Into Spirit Halloween Stores @thebigfreeze
Leftist Media Falsely Accuse Jimmy Kimmel Of Being Funny @coachjoeconway
Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei's Picture Now Appearing On Iranian Milk Cartons @ruthiej714
Foolish Husband Gives Honest Opinion On Wife's New Outfit @pure_teej
Get Out Of Paying Your Student Loans With This One Weird Trick @drconservativeprof
I Dug Up The Lawn To See If The Grass Really Is Greener On The Other Side. It's Not; It's Brown… @thecatman
Man Wagers All His Savings On Polymarket Bet That He Will Go Bankrupt @gfanson
Rookie Wife Thinks This Is Just A Nice Cuddle @webidtheefarewell
Satire Site Babylon Bee Makes Spirit Airlines Profitable As 'Satire Airlines' @m4d
The Canadian Medical Association Announces Its Venture Into The Food Industry With The Release Of A New Nutritional Product Called ‘Soylent Green' @fishythepenguin
Terrified AOC Recounts How She Was Only 75 Miles From The Assassin's Bullet @jakflak
Iran Learns The Hard Way That Buying An Assassin On Temu Is Not The Bargain It Looks Like @ohdear
Omaha Nebraska Postal Carrier Credited With Delivering The Nation's Final Piece Of Non-Junk Mail @njhokie84
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
"No Kings" Crowd Gives Standing Ovation To King @thebigborkowski
Charles Offers American Colonies Representation In Parliament To Reconcile The Whole Revolution Thing @babylonandonanon
Knucklehead! Tim Walz Arrests Himself In Fraud Sting Operation @twodegreesoff
Atheist AI Believes It Evolved From A Solar Powered Calculator @batknight
Chastised Corinthians Decide To Leave Paul's 3rd Letter Unopened @davel
United, Delta, American Fear Spirit Passengers Will Now Choose To Fly With Them @eversong
Family Car Sentenced To Death As Keys Turned Over To 16 Year Old Daughter @dustynederlander
Nation's Attention Seekers Announce Plans To Acquire A Ferret @tylermontgomery
US And Iran Agree To End War With Friendly Game Of Rock, Paper, Nukes @clogz
Bonus - one randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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