Bee subscribers unearthed evidence last week that the dove Noah sent out from The Ark actually returned with a Chick-fil-A sauce packet proving that the olive branch mentioned in scripture was merely a symbol of the delicious sauce packet. Scholars at Answers In Genesis have been perplexed by the relief felt by Noah after just seeing an olive branch and feel the Chick-fil-A sauce packet, evidence of an up and running Chick-fil-A, just makes all the pieces fit together. "After living with animals and eating Ark food for so long, surely they would have been looking forward to eating the Lord's chicken, and so the Chick-fil-A sauce packet would have been cause for some heartfelt rejoicing," said one theologian. At press time, a team of scientists and lost Bee subscribers at The Ark Encounter in Kentucky was hard at work trying to answer the age-old question, "What is the airspeed velocity of a dove laden with Chick-fil-A sauce?"
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. This past week, Bee and Not The Bee subscribers had a meetup with Dan Dillon, Joel Abbott and other Bee and Not The Bee staff at The Ark Encounter in Kentucky. To become a part of our somewhat humorous subscriber community please join us! (Title headline by @ruthiej714.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Noah Ecstatic When Dove Brings Back Chick-fil-A Sauce Packet @ruthiej714
Mechanic Identifies 1,897 Things Wrong With Your Car @kirgol
Naaman Healed Of Leprosy After Bathing Seven Times In Algae Infested Reflecting Pool @batknight
Embarrassed Noah's Wife Says She Would Have Cleaned Up The Ark Better If She Knew Ken Ham Would Turn It Into A Museum @drconservativeprof
Scottish Men In Kilts Visiting US Confused By Restroom Signs @johnisadoc
Keir Starmer Resigns As Prime Minister To Spend More Time Reading The Koran @dontslowtheearth
After A Busy Day On The Ark, Ham Relaxes With A Little Doom Scrolling @annafillaxis
Unclear If Husband Motivated To Do Chores By Love Or Fear @pure_teej
Texas Adds Orange Construction Barrel To State Seal @twoplus2ischicken
Rand Paul Subpoenas Pangolin @gfanson
Trump Converts Oil Tankers To Carry Ranch Dressing To Europe @funguy
Starmer's Final Act As Prime Minister Changes Name Of Country To Meh Britain @mathyousee
Police Prepare For Fourth Of July Tradition Of Answering The Phones To Tell Karen It's Not A Gunshot @lpathehuman
Obama Has To Build An Addition To The Library To Fit In All The Books He Wrote About Himself @ohdear
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Jesus Sets Memory Verse Record At Vacation Torah School @mrhero
Obama Sheepishly Asks Iran For One Pallet Of Cash Back So He Can Pay Building Contractors @waltfla
Dad Visiting Fireworks Store Now Has More Firepower Than The Entire Canadian Military @davidjohnson
Senators Recall Their First Day On The Job 250 Years Ago @calabrianpatriot
Americans Excited For July Fourth Holiday That Commemorates The End Of Pride Month @pretribrapper
BREAKING: California Finds Enough Mail-In Ballots To Keep Starmer In Office @waltfla
Democrats Outraged That Liberty Assigned At Birth Of The Nation @clogz
Trump Solves Reflecting Pool Problem By Replacing All The Water With Beautiful, Crystal-Clear Bleach @goldenbrown
Bonus - one randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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