A liberal couple from Austin, Texas, decided it was time to flee the state earlier this year, as they were "facing our fourth catastrophic event in five years and nobody was doing anything to address it."
Climate change - and probably Republicans - were destroying Texas, so they left for Maine, where everybody is a liberal and climate change doesn't exist because the state is run by liberals or something.
Here's the two of them on their new front porch:
Well, they weren't in Bangor, Maine, for long before this happened (and I promise you this is real).
Shawn Good had lived in Bangor for less than two months with his wife, Sara, when he woke up to find human excrement on the front porch of their new home in Little City.
The unwelcome surprise came one Saturday morning in late April, shortly after the couple moved from Austin, Texas, to Bangor in March. They found someone had slept on cushions that belonged on outdoor furniture the couple hadn't yet unpacked and defecated in several areas on their porch.
Not the Bee, ladies and gentlemen. Not the Bee.
This is all from the very beginning of the article.
While the couple was immediately horrified and didn't enjoy cleaning up the mess, they said the experience hasn't changed their love of Bangor and excitement over moving to the Queen City.
The Goods say they're thrilled anyway. The house is historic, the prices are exciting compared to Austin, and the Socialist Utopia of Canada is a short drive away.
All they have to do is ignore the poop and remind themselves of the carbon savings.
Let's hope the Goods can acclimate to their new reality in Maine, and maybe invest in a security camera ... or at least a bigger shovel.
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