Oh, Canada, why does stuff like this keep happening to you?

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Yes, a 33-year-old Ethiopian immigrant and repeat offender, Fitsum Wode Zewdu, pleaded guilty to sexual assault, assault, and committing an indecent act. The judge, in his infinite wisdom, noted the "vile nature" of the unprovoked attack on a 17-year-old stranger near a SkyTrain station in June 2025.

Here's where it gets gross, so buckle up. Zewdu came up behind the girl, smeared fecal matter over her face and mouth, pushed it in, and laughed while pretending to record it on his phone.

Cops later found Zewdu by another woman with a stroller. He asked her to smell his poop-covered hands. Class act, eh?

For this poop smearing, Zewdu received just 695 days behind bars. He gets credit for 311 days pre-trial (at 1.5-to-1), leaving 227 days to serve, plus three years of probation. What's more, he got his fine waived because, well, I'll let the National Post explain...

In sentencing, Judge Reginald Harris of B.C. Provincial Court said he took into account the guilty plea and 'the love and support of his parents,' including a letter from his father in his support.

The judge waived the victim fine surcharge, noting that Zewdu has been unemployed for years and the fine 'would be an undue hardship.' The surcharge is generally 15 percent where a fine has been levied, or between $100 and $200 for each offense.

Great, Vancouver. Just ... great.

This wasn't Zewdu's first rodeo either. He's been at this whole sexual criminal thing since 2019, mostly zeroing in on women:

• Slapping a woman's buttocks after getting off the SkyTrain.

• Exposing himself outside a strip club, threatening to kill and beat a woman.

• Masturbating naked at a library computer.

• Spitting in a woman's face.

• Dropping a cigarette down a woman's top while whispering creepy foot-licking stuff.

He was already out on a conditional sentence when he hit the teen with the poo.

Born in Ethiopia, Zewdu moved to Canada at age 3. He now has a long and demonstrated history of mental health issues, schizophrenia, personality disorders, and meth use. Canada will apparently continue to coddle him by reducing the penalties for his disturbed actions. Since he's unemployed, he'll also likely be fed and housed by Canadian tax dollars once he gets released from the taxpayer-funded jail.

Enjoy that revolving door, Canada.